i think my tv is drunk
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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