Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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