I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
not ubering you a puppy
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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