Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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