Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize