I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
