i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
