Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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