He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
