I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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