so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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