I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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