Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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