69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
