You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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