We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
