She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
