I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
