You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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