I just saw a hot homeless man
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
