ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
