So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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