my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
