so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
