You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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