the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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