Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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