I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i think i have two assholes
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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