Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This baby is an asshole
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
