I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
