I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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