Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
