i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize