We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
