Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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