her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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