I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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