So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
