i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
