I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
