and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
