I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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