tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
