oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
