I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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