there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
