Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
