i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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