my mouth tastes like poor choices
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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