Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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