I am puke
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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