Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
