ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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