you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
