i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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