I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
