Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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