Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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