i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize