i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
