I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
