Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
