Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
