just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
