New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
